A fellow blogger (courtesy of BrooklynGypsy) gave me inspiration to write a piece about some thoughts that have always been in my mind, but have never really been focused into a single thought or even written down. If anyone knows me, you know that I'm old school. I can't help it. I was raised around a lot of older folks and they instilled their values and principles within me when I was a young man, which have helped mold me into the man I am today.
Along the journey we call life for a man and a woman if you haven't learned about how important listening and observing is, then you have missed out on a lot. There are so many unwritten rules, laws, doctrines, and unforeseen things that you have to pay attention to. It's as if you're in a classroom lecture. The teacher will mouth of information but if you can't catch the important parts then you won't know what he'll focus on any quizzes, tests, or exams.
I was born into a Muslim household. I have fond memories of time spent in the mosque, and observed how separated the men, women, and children were. That's how I felt with my father. He had drug problems. He was very intelligent. He learned how to read, write and speak Arabic on his own. When he entered the house though I would wait with an indifferent look because I didn't know what to expect. Either he was drunk or high and would enter angry and irate, or we would see the peaceful and sagacious father that brought us into the world and made us happy. He passed away when I was eight to the plague of our age known as AIDS. I always keep a memory of him. A memory of the good things and how he touched those around him; even me without physically being there to see me graduate high school, then college and see me be on my own. The father figures in my life though were my Grandpa Bill, my uncle Ike (who I get a lot of my swag from, just from being around him most of my life), my older cousin Donald, my cousin/brother/peer Troy. I observed, listened, and questioned a lot of the things they would do; not so much my uncle, though. We all have an inner gage of what is right and wrong. What I felt was right I felt was right and whatever was wrong was wrong. You take a little and file it away to use as a reference, and the rest goes in the recycle bin.
Some young men in training today may not have proper male figures around, but you can't use that as an excuse. That internal gage is there. We all make our own decisions. Just because my friends were telling me, "Dam you ain't fuckin' yet!?" didn't mean that I was going to listen to them. I have never seen a woman as being a conquest, but many young man see it as such. This day in age men should know how to cook. Yes! He should be able to take care of himself and still treat women with respect even if there are some disrespectful women out there. You should always keep your cool as a man. Example, I remember while in college we a female friend of mine said some disrespectful things to me, so I stepped out of my gentleman domain and said something disrespectful back, and what happened? She slapped me dead in my face. Now, some guys say they have a natural instinct to smack a chick back. My natural instinct was to eat it and just walk away before I ended up doing something I would regret. I could never hit a woman. It would eat at me for a long time, so I remove myself from the situation (Note: Women out there who have the desire to push a man too far, even when he's trying to step away from a possible altercation, know that if you continue to push you will get hurt). That's me though. Other guys are far worse. I digress...The 21st century is about giving and receiving, receiving and giving. A woman should know how to cook a meal, but a man should take the reigns of the kitchen sometimes too. The same thing can be said for cleaning, dates, etc. "Uh! Uh! I got it. I got it," is not only something a man should be saying, but a woman can say it sometimes too. When a woman cooks for me, it just makes me want to cook for her. It's all about reciprocity. Even in the bedroom...I'll leave that for another time. I can save a whole post for that conversation.
In this day in age there is no room for a man to work, and a woman to stay home, unless one or the other is very well off. If you intend on having a lot of children that is something that should be planned for. Saving a lot of money and having one partner who is able to take the load of the whole family. I will have that Muslim mentality of having only what I will be able to support, so if that means two children that's how many I will have.
So many people today have so much pride it's ridiculous. Pride gets in the way of a lot of relationships. How is the main reason for most divorce FINANCIAL DISAGREEMENTS! Can't you just work it out and agree [SMH].
If there is one thing that remains constant it is that spiritual, heart-aching desire to go along this journey we call life with someone of the opposite sex (or of the same sex if that's your orientation). It's natural. Today, though, people are afraid to always put your feelings out there and just "BE". Be yourself. Be you for the other to see. Don't get caught up in that whole i'm INDEPENDENT mantra. You're only fooling yourself. "Romance...is the possiblity of the thing (Love Jones, 1997)." If you don't dream of possibilities, why are you living?
I'm old school. What other old school brothas out there are going to ask the father for their daughter's hand in marriage? I will. I'm old school though. That's the RIGHT thing to do. It's hard, especially for a father to give away his daughter who at the time that question arises is no longer his baby girl. I know this, because I have listened, observed, and asked those questions.
What are your thoughts?
