GOOD outweighs the bad

I was molded into an optimist by my invisible sculptor. I have always been one and will continue to think and have thoughts as one. It makes me stay positive, feel good, and live longer. I still am aware of reality, though, so don't think of me as a push over. I will flip the script from time to time and surprise you.

The reason why I bring up my perspective on life is because this past Saturday I was on my way to go catch a bus towards the train to go meet up with my old high school wrestling coach. He's only five or six years my senior, and he works out at this Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) Gym in the Bronx. A lot of my friends have told me that I'd be good at it, so I figured why not try it out for a day and see...I digress...

...So while I was patiently waiting for the bus to arrive this mini-van pulled up near the stop, window rolled down and thick West Indian accent politely asked, "could you pull my side mirror out. I forgot to push it out and just noticed." I did the kind thing and pulled the mirror out in order for his vision to not be thwarted while driving. After my kind gesture he asked, "Are you going to the train?" I replied, "Yes." And he said, "I can drop you off."

[Exit Mind and Spirit, Stage Right]
Not being full of myself or anything, but there are crazy people out there. I had an inner meeting really quick and thought about the situation from all angles: (1) this man could be crazy and want to kidnap me, torture me, and chope me up into pieces, (2) he might just rob me (note: i had nothing, so this would most likely revert back to choice 1), or (3) he might be a genuinely nice person. I chose 3, being the optimist that I am. If it was my time to go, it was my time to go.

[Enter Mind and Spirit, back to Figz]
I didn't think that long about it...lol...but it ran through my mind. First thing he asked was that I put my seat-belt on, and along the way we talked about what we do in our respective lives--he was a correctional officer and I the young scientist. The vibe I got was that he was a churchgoing man, and we were soon talking about God and I informed him where I go to church and he was glad. First impression he received from me was that I was professional, intelligent and believed in a Higher Being, I have come know as God, Father, etc. We talked about the misled youth, and he talked of his dis-like for young men wearing baggy jeans and I laughed. Just as young gentleman make excuses and find reasons to validate the use of the "n-word" they too find the same comfort in wearing baggy jeans, even though it is a jail mentality.

Moral of the story. I caught my train and met another good, generous human being. Granted, I could have been Sylar-esque...lmao...but that's not the way of my spirit...there are still good people in the world. I'm happy I can be included in that number.

Night at SOBs in NYC

Okay. So I'm a guy who is a fan, not a huge fan, but a follower of her music. She doesn't have much out right now for anyone to really be a huge fan. Who I am referring to is Teedra Moses. One of my peers put me on to her music a few years ago. As a matter of fact, when she released her first LP that's when I was put on. That was three years ago. First thing I thought was, "she has a beautiful voice." I thought she was a lot younger, but she is older. It doesn't make a difference, but what is noticeable is how underrated she is. Her vocal skills are incomparable to a lot of current R&B singers. She far exceeds them in all categories. If you ever get a chance to look her up either on Google, YouTube, IMEEM, etc.

So, she performed last night at SOBs which is on Houston & Varick in downtown Manhattan. I got there right around the time she was set to hit the stage (i.e. 9pm) because I kind of figured she would be running a little late. To my dismay, though, "fatboy slim" hit the stage as the spokesperson for SOBs and said she's not getting here until 10:30pm!!! I was a little disappointed, and already had a whole bottle of wine in my system...lol...what else was I going to do? Yea I was drinking. I was content with the situation and was set on being patient. So I decided to be a little observant. With a little bit of a buzz all I really picked up on was how there were mostly couples in the venue, and the die-hard fans/supporters all the way in the front, jockin' her fresh. I would have chosen to stand in the front, but I had to work the next day and I'm not trying to have my ears ringing all night and all through the next day. That is exactly what happens when you stand in the front right next to the strident speakers. So fast forward to 10:30pm...[enter] spokesperson for SOBs with more bad news. He said, "Yo we're really sorry about the delay and we appreciate everyone waiting, but Teedra is like 20 minutes away." The crowd gets a little rowdy. "I just got off the phone with her (as he pulls out his flip phone of antiquity)". I think it was still a scam in order to have everyone present buying more drinks, and ordering food. That's exactly what happened. What else you gonna do. The DJ was all right too; even started playing some old school reggae.

Long story short, Teedra didn't hit the stage until about 11:50pm. She came right in and hit the stage and said, "Yo! What up everybody!? Anyone work for TSA? Fuck TSA!!! 'Cause they held me up at the airport! Let's get this started!" She was amazing. She performed two new songs, which is getting me excited about her upcoming sophomore album, "The Young Lioness." She's real gutter too. Don't let the beauty fool you. She sang a sweet song and said, "I can be real sweet at times, but a bitch too!" And she followed it with a song about telling her man to "get that bitch told" who she heard was saying she was with her man. She is definitely hood, but she's real. That's why I'm feeling her music. Fifteen minutes into the performance she made the gesture and stated, "I need a drink." Someone handed her a drink, and she said, "What's this? [Crowd member replied, "Long Island."] Word! I'm fucking it up!" I'm a little disappointed that she didn't sing "Backstroke." That's the first song of her's that I was introduced too, and it's real how she's explaining what it is that keeps her coming back to this guy. She's real. I enjoyed the 45 minutes, and as soon as she was done she disappeared into the night.

As soon as I was heading out it was raining and I was overcome with a sudden rush of a cold. Runny nose, sneezing, coughing, etc. I had a hard time going to sleep when I got back home, but all I was hearing were the melodies of Teedra and thinking of a certain someone. My mind is always racing, thinking of different scenarios, possibilities, etc. I'll elaborate later how my mind works.

Great night.

Teedra Moses...Fashion Goddess...Patience...Genetics...Cure for AIDS...being a mentor...Hip-Hop Honors...just a taste of my randomness.

Bed Time Stories

I can more than vaguely remember, but fully recall stories when I was younger. Similar things always intrigued me and filled my heart and soul with a sense of awe and wonder. So I dreamed and continued to dream. I cannot argue though, as I have become more seasoned as a man I feel dreams have been few in number. Something inside me tells me there will be a surge coming soon, though.

I was raised in a Muslim culture when I was very young, and remember going to the mosque and observing how the men were separated from the women and children. My father was an imam, which is a prayer leader and elder of mosque. My father left this world behind when I was just four-years young. My mother always struggled between Islam and Christianity, and shortly after my father passed she converted to Christianity and that is what I have been raised on ever since. I still respect Islam and all that it encompasses.

I remember a child hood story that I felt like sharing. My mother told it to me a few times when I was young, and it has always remained with me. There might be similar stories told different ways in different cultures, so if you have ever heard something similar let me know. To the best of my ability I will try to regurgitate exactly what I interpreted...

...A man was lost in the desert--somewhere very far from Egypt--and had so much going wrong with his life, so he continued to march on through the hot desert during the feverish, hot days and cold nights. After endless days and nights. He consulted God (Allah), knowing that his life was surely coming to an end. He said something along the lines of, "Father I was struggled all my life, lost all that is most precious to me, and have ended in this never ending desert. You have remained with me through it all. I may not be remembered as a good man, but I would like to be remembered, for my days here, though not all that great but the good outweighed the bad. If this is my final request, all I ask is that you bless me." Upon his request he knelt and raised his bowed head up towards the white, empty, glowing light in the sky, otherwise known as the moon. He smiled and was taken from this earth. God blessed him by putting the imprint of his smiling face within the moon.

If you ever look at that moon do you not see a smiling face? I do, and I always wondered how it got there. Astrologists might infer that it was caused by asteroids hitting the surface, and just by chance creating an image we might say resembles that of someone's face. I would disagree. This story always filled that void. Whenever I look at the moon, and I see the smiling face, recall the man's request, and smile and ask God to bless me all the days of my life. I have no complaints.

Ol' School

To think that I am only twenty-four years young, and feel like sometimes I do have an old soul. That’s because I might just have one. Family should be important to everyone, but not everyone is fortunate to have an entire family around. I pray that God guides those that may not have the luxury of a supportive family, and hope that they find someone to help fill that void. I can recall experiences during my younger years, when I was as shy as a puppy, and as quiet as a predator stalking its prey. I would listen more often than not always paying attention to what older individuals had to say. It was a natural feeling that they were obviously older, more seasoned than I. Whatever they had to say must have been important. Right? Some of it that is…lol…I have always learned to sift through endless sagacious pages of the book of my older family members and friends. If there is one thing that is constant it is change. Change is great and we should always welcome it with open arms, an understanding heart, and an intuitive intellect. The thing that just doesn’t sit right with me is how much everything has changed. For example, the youth not having respect for individuals that are older than they are, the youth not really caring how they bring a newborn/new life into this world (only that it is cute and they want one…not all but most feel that way), and finally the youth really not caring what goes on in their country of origin or even the world. Now would like to elaborate a little on these three points, as they will serve as my cornerstone for my title.

Respect, honor, loyalty are all one and the same. People just don’t know what they truly mean or even choose to practice them in their everyday life. I used to always wonder why older folks would say, “there is nothing like the good ol’ days.” Now I kind of know why. In the centuries before us [my generation] men and women had honor, respect and loyalty and that was visible in samurais, soldiers, and good old fashion countrymen/women. Politics has been corrupt since its inception, but continues to get more and more disconnected from the people they are supposed to serve. I am optimistic about life as a whole. Being in NYC this can be observed from people bumping you and not saying sorry, young kids not anywhere near the legal drinking age being drunk on the streets and trains on the weekend and during the week, young kids using foul language in public and not having any respect for older individuals who point out their dirty mouths that need to be cleaned up with ORBITZ gum (shameless plug). What is changing is how these young kids look at respect as being something that should always be given, and rather earned; honor as referred to “stop snitching”; and loyal only to those that have their back when it comes to a fist-fight and nothing else. Ahhhhh. I can go on and on, but I don’t want to be too lengthy.

As far as young kids today having babies out of wedlock, it is absolutely absurd. If they applied themselves into a passion with as much alacrity as they are at bringing a child into this world they would be ahead in the game of life. I feel as if I am ready to be a father, but my current situation isn’t the best time to bring a little Amir or Amira into this world. I would want to be in a stable relationship as well. Someone I loved and would eventually marry. It is that simple. Strap up, or do not even think of having sex at all; masturbate! LOL! The expectation of childbirth should come along with a lot of preparation in order to make sure the child is prepared for this cold, cold world. Men and women are better than what they are today, so my eyes, heart, and soul are always on the brighter, warmer side of life.

I remember a time when revolutions were led by the youth (i.e. young teenagers leading their peers followed by young children). Some teenagers and children today worry only about the latest fashion, upcoming rap artist, and new reality show. There is nothing real about the stuff shown on TV. Too many young people want fantasize about things that are not even worth their time. If you want to fantasize, at least dream of things that you will try to accomplish and will somehow make themselves and this world better.

I know I am not perfect, but I am trying my hardest to be perfect. A good man, a good father in the future, a good husband in the future, and hopefully a man who will have left a lot of knowledge on the hearts and minds of those that will follow me after I am gone.

I'm not ranting or raving, or even judging anyone. I am not better than the next man...just speaking my mind. I know others feel the same way...

Freewriting

Free-writing is an art like free-styling...non stop writing like non stop vocals...just saying whatever is on your mind...i commend vocal artists, rappers, or however you refer to them...they think a lot faster...but me i'll stick to my writing...from the soul and mind through the pen to the paper, permanent, as if it was written in stone...forever to be able to be viewed in the future and a glimpse into the past...our minds are like computers, i think a lot but like a computer i analyze things constantly and sift through them, separating and discarding what should be kept, and is important or either thrown away and not important to keep my mind focused on it...you gotta let go sometimes and not think to much...not thinking enough will sell you short and thinking too much will sell you nothing...just losing time which is more precious and when confined to our earthly realm worth money...lots of money...because time is among the short list of things that can never be given back...money can be lent, owed, and returned, but not time...it passes us by and can only be remembered...some old folk say "let go and let God"...true; very true...and that's all about not being so consumed by our minds unquenchable desire to understand everything...all i can do is think about certain things for a second, because God did give us free will and brains to be used...but sometimes things are just too difficult to understand, so why worry...let go and let God, i guess...what do i mean i guess, i know...i've experienced it first hand...future is coming, and the past is slipping away...present is a gift like the first definition in the dictionary...and i will think on about what i intend to do with my life...the wave of the future...genetics...i always thought about it since i was alittle kid...lost a lot of fam' to AIDS, and look at me now...conducting AIDS research...strap up...bring your rain coat...coat the rocket with the protective armor...lmao...i'm a clown all day; every day...and i love laughing...sometimes i do it at the wrong times, but it makes me feel better...what more is there to life then being happy and making others happy????...another definition of happy is LOVE...love is GOD...and GOD is love...what more can i say...i'm living life and trying to be a better me...a better man..."i would like to be remembered as a man...flawed...and vulnerable," and that was taken from the recent Beowulf film...I would like for that to be the main quote at my funeral...and i wouldn't want people to cry...i would want people to laugh! seriously! the good times, and the bad times...they're all funny...laugh it up at my funeral...reminisce and know that i'm in a better place...thinking of the end is not being psychotic...more like be realistic...we all live and we all die...whenever GOD calls me i'll stand up and answer to his call...until then i'll do everything in my power to understand and gain wisdom, teach others, and search for the truth, for "if you cannot hear the truth, no one can tell you"...that was taken from Passion of the Christ...peep that...no human being can hold back the tears when you visually see what could've happened to the Divine Son in human form suffering for us...you don't have be a Christian to see the true nature of some men...all i do is shake my head and make sure i will never veer down that path...feels good writing...made my day...i'm done...that's enough...i hope you enjoyed.